I never really thought of myself as an athlete before. Whenever someone asked me if I did any sports I’d say horseback riding. “That’s not a sport.” They’d reply. “Yes it is. You’re obviously too stupid to be alive.” And then I would never speak to that person again. Actually I had more substantial arguments than that. But even though I had a lot of great arguments as to why riding was a sport, I never treated it like one. Sure I went out and rode everyday. I had a plan for my horse’s fitness and schooling, and I followed it. But I neglected a very important member of the team. Me. I need to hold myself to the same level of athleticism that I ask from my horse. But that’s the extra hard part, because I don’t really know what athleticism in me looks like, feels like, or tastes like.
I can look at a person running and tell if they’re fit. I can look at a person walking and tell if they’re fit. i can look at a person sitting on a couch and tell if they’re fit. But I can’t feel how fit I am. Despite being at my lowest adult weight (I’m assuming. I don’t keep scales around. Scales are dumb) and running the most consistently I ever have, I don’t feel fit. I feel tired and hungry. And right now I really, really want some juice. The fittest I’ve ever felt was when I was lifting three times a week and riding two horses a day, before I went to Blacksburg. I must be fitter now, what with all the straw stalls I’m mucking daily, but I always feel like I want a nap. Maybe I’m not doing it right.
Of course my sleepiness could be from this ongoing battle I’m having with my brain. My body wakes up when it thinks I’ve had enough sleep. My brain disagrees. My brain is like “the alarm doesn’t go off for another hour and a half go back to sleep” but my body is like “nope. It’s 4am. Let’s be awake.” And then during the day if I stop moving for more than 5 minutes (like in the horse van coming back from schooling), I’m ready for a nap. But when I get home and actually have time for a nap, I have a gajillion other things to do (like eating chicken that is shaped like a dinosaur) so no naps for Bri. Sleep isn’t really necessary to be an athlete right?
I need to get on Lego’s level. I work him at least 15 minutes a day. I need to work myself at least that much. I make sure that my horse gets the best nutrition that I can give him. I need to stop eating candy because I’m sad, tired, or lonely. I need to get my life together and plan better so that I don’t end up doing laundry at 10pm when I should be sleeping. I don’t want to feel like I let Lego down. And a groggy, hungry, or weak Bri is going to let him down.