Gummy Worms and Swedish Fish are Proteins, Aren’t They?

So my mom and I have decided that we’re going to follow a strict autoimmune protocol for eating. That basically means eat all the meat, fruits, and vegetables, and don’t eat grains, and sugar. Or nightshades, which it seems include potatoes, tomatoes, and peppers. So the other day when I ate salsa with potato chips, I wasn’t following these guidelines. Oops.

So the first question is why in the name of all things sugary and delicious would you voluntarily subject yourself to this? Well my mom has had digestive troubles for years. I’ve seen her very miserable far too often, and always because of something she ate. And since I have half of her genes, I’m afraid that is also to be my fate. But the real reason is that recently, I have been eating worse than an 8-year-old left alone with twenty bucks in Wawa. For instance tonight before I ate my dinner (shrimp and rice, seems healthy enough) I ate a king sized Reeses, most of a family sized bag of potato chips, and .7 lbs of gummy worms. And then I ate a peanut butter cookie after dinner.

Cravings people, cravings. I wanted a chocolate bar at 10:00 this morning. To the point where I was willing to kill.

And then I have been having stomach trouble also. Some days I am starving two hours after I eat breakfast. Some days I don’t want to eat at all. My stomach will flip and spin and earthquake around. Some day I have heartburn. All in all it adds up to a bad day. The work I’m doing is physically demanding, and it’s hard enough to do it when everything is great. But when one part of my body is rebelling in a major way, it’s near impossible.

And also I’m an athlete. I claim that moniker. It’s time I lived it. What Olympian subsists on 24oz hot chocolates and cheetos? And yeah I’m not going to the Olympics but I want to do my best and I need to have the foundational support of a healthy diet. I need vitamins and minerals and nutrients to meet my goals. Plus, I keep a close eye on what Lego eats. I need to do the same for myself.

So for a month, I’m going to go clean cold turkey. I’m going to miss the junk, no doubt. I’m going to be prompted to murderous rage by the mere sight of a cookie. I’m going to keep a stash of emergency grapes with me at all times so that when a sugar craving strikes I can eat grapes until I literally can eat no more.

My only comfort is that mom’s doing it too. And I like having all of my pants fit really loosely.


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